Rewind

I used to want to rewind to the times when nothing else mattered
When my heart was content and I had little care in the world
I would rewind and replay in slow motion those memories I wish I’d never forget
And press pause and enjoy those special times with people I love
People I never want to forget
I’d relish in the moments where all I would do is sigh in total bliss
And allow the good memories to fill me with joy and peace
I would fast forward through the painful moments
And delete the series of failed relationships, the string of hurt feelings and broken hearts
But that’s not reality
I can’t control what has happened, what is happening and will happen
I realize now that my experiences have made me into the woman I am now
And without the good and the bad I probably wouldn’t be where I am now
Thankful for the learning experience this journey has been
I’ve decided to just let life flow and enjoy the journey

Facing My Fears

1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

2013 has been a year of getting out of God's way and being obedient to what He has called me to do. I've been facing some of my biggest fears and while it has been scary, it has also helped me to trust God throughout every step of the way. God has given me peace behind the microphone, He's reminded me that my voice is a weapon, a powerful tool that needs to be used to establish His kingdom.

I performed a piece of writing for the second time tonight in front of an audience and I was fearful that no one would understand it and that it wouldn't be received well. I was full of nerves getting on stage but once I grabbed hold of the microphone that fear of inadequacy and that self-defeating attitude left me immediately. I was no longer fearful of the audience's reaction because through the words in my poem I was reminded of who I am and who I belong to.

I am a child of God. 

Nothing else matters.

Caged

Like a caged bird; life outside the bars was a fantasy
Routine became comfortable so I made that my only reality
I watched the world pass me by while I clung to the lies that I would never measure up
Instead of trusting God I trusted fear and found comfort there
I feared the unknown
I feared rejection and failure
So I promised myself that I would not be the one to suffer
I let life pass me by
I gave up on my future and made my present my only concern
It wasn't until I allowed His light into my darkness that I saw the cage for what it really was
A cage built on a foundation of lies
Fortified against the Truth
My cage was fear
And the key was faith in God
I was trapped inside for so long and never looked to God for freedom
I was so afraid to look past my present because the thought of the future left me paralyzed that I chose to stand still
Thinking I would be safe in my cage on the doorstep of danger
When I gave Him access to my heart, He showed me where I fit into his story
He reminded me that my voice is a gift to bring Him glory
Thankful for the freedom from my Creator
No longer caged but soaring in His strength
Now unstoppable

Dreaming

Dreaming of the day when I will have his last name and use these hips to bear the seeds that he plants. I only dream for a moment allowing my heart to smile and a sense of peace to wash over me. I sit in my dream content...even if it's just my imagination I'm the happiest I've been in a little bit. I don't stay in the dream for long though...I blow it a kiss and continue to trust that God will some day make it a reality.

Haiti

December 2012

I just want to briefly share my experience almost a year ago. I traveled to Haiti, the mother country of my parents, for the first time in my life. I was never fortunate enough to visit as a child but when my parents decided that they were going back to visit, I knew that I needed to come along with them. As I prepared for the journey, I had some anxiety about what I would see and experience and I even had some friends express their concerns for my safety. With every fearful thought that entered my mind, I prayed that God would remove them. I went to Haiti with the desire to explore the country and to be a blessing to my family and I would not allow fear to overtake my desires. Travelling mercies were given and I arrived safely, I traveled throughout the island safely and I came back safely. I was able to accomplish all that I set out to do but I also left Haiti a changed woman. I was humbled by the entire experience and I fell in love with an island and family members who I had only just met.

Haiti is impoverished, there is an absurd amount of people who are homeless, and there is utter devastation from the earthquake in 2010. I arrived in Haiti prepared for a culture shock. Yes, I encountered new and sometimes scary things. Yes, I was heart broken by what I saw. Yes, I was humbled and overwhelmed by everything around me. But above all of the things that I experienced the thing that stuck with me was LOVE. It did not matter that they were poor or that they were unsure where the next meal would come from. Above every fearful thing that they could think of, I saw that the love that they had for one another made life so much easier. I was beyond grateful for the experience and the overabundance of love that was in everything and was everywhere made Haiti feel like home for me.

There is so much more that I could share but I want to end with this. The last day in Haiti my family and I visited MUPANAH (Musee du Pantheon National Haitien), it is a beautiful museum located in the capital, filled with art, artifacts, and the rich history of Haiti. The tour guide was very knowledgeable and it was an awesome experience for me. I was able to learn so much about Haiti and it helped confirm how valuable Haiti is. While there are so many negative things one could focus on in regards to the island, one thing cannot be denied: Haiti is strong with so much potential. 

My first trip to Disney!

This morning I have been thinking about my family and wanted to share something I wrote over this summer after my first time to Disney!

A family vacation full of adventure, bonding and love…it was definitely exactly what the doctor ordered after several stressful months without a break from work and life’s demands. We landed in Florida full of numerous emotions. Relief that we landed safely, excitement for the upcoming week, fear that we wouldn’t all get along (4 women and 2 children) and more. We quickly started our adventure and were ready to see what this vacation would bring. 

Florida greeted us with a warm hug (sun) and cooled us off with cool wet kisses (rain) throughout our stay but we didn’t let that hinder our plans!

Our first few days were full of driving! I never knew how big Florida was until we had to take several long drives…Orlando to West Palm Beach to visit a special young lady, zooming from West Palm to Tampa for a long overdue sleepover with some wonderful family members and lastly a smooth drive from Tampa to Orlando. It was such a wonderful 2 days to the start of our vacation. 

I was brought back to my childhood when I stepped into Magic Kingdom. It was full of childhood memories and was more than I could have imagined. My favorite parts of the park? The light shows at night! They were spectacular. The electric parade, the fireworks and the enchanted light show on the castle were all so beautiful!

Overall this vacation was wonderful. Yes, it had it bumps in the road but I wouldn’t have changed a thing!

Taking my health back!

I've committed to taking my health back one day at a time. Lately I've been very nonchalant about what I have been eating and afters weeks of disregard I've noticed that I've had a decrease in my energy and just haven't been feeling like myself. I knew the chips and pizza would catch up to me!

I've decided to get back into the gym weekly and to be more concerned with what I'm eating. I have also started to research and experiment with juicing! So far I'm loving the benefits of the increase in nutrients from juicing and I look forward to all the good things to come!

I've also found this website to be very helpful for recipes and research!
http://chaudsjuicetherapy.com/

The picture below is my prep for my tomorrow juice. Prepping beforehand helps because I juice in the am before heading to work.

My Delicious Orange Twist:
1 sweet potato
1/2 red pepper
1 inch of ginger
2 apples
1 tangerine
3 carrots

Juice and enjoy!!

Humbled

Sometimes it is so hard, or at least it feels like it, to be humble. Our flesh wants us to always have the last word, the biggest attitude, to ensure we are "victorious" in a sense against our brothers and sisters. This way of thinking and acting out this behavior ultimately leads to division. With this attitude we no longer worry about each other but are concerned with only ourselves.

Today I choose to stand up and do this thing called life a little different. It has NEVER been just about me...it is about us as a community. If I don't start caring now, when will I?

God's word is true and full of wisdom. Read it and apply it to your life...you will never regret it.

1 Peter 5:6
Humble yourselves, therefore under God's mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time.

My Promise

On November 02 I celebrated my one year anniversary!

This year has been full of temptation and close calls but I am thankful that God has given me the self control and the strength to walk away from situations that would not glorify Him. This year has been a great learning experience. I've learned so much about who I am and whose I am and settling or compromising is no longer part of my vocabulary.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20
Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought with a price. Therefore honor God with your body.

It is never too late and your past will never be too marred to keep you from God and His love for you. It takes courage to take the first step but surrounding yourself with people of like faith and trusting that God has greater in store for you will make the journey all the more manageable.

I made this commitment one year ago and found some awesome women of God to be accountable to.

Believing that true love waits, I make a commitment to God, myself, my friends, and my future mate, to a lifetime of purity including sexual abstinence from this day until the day of biblical marriage relationship.

I acknowledge that my body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, and I will protect and guard this temple and will present my body as a living sacrifice to God. I acknowledge that sex is not only a physical act but a spiritual act as well. Therefore I save my mind, body and spirit for my future mate.

I was worth dying for, therefore I am worth waiting for!

Marriage Isn't For You

Marriage isn't for you.
You don't marry to make yourself happy; you marry to make someone else happy.
Marriage isn't for yourself, you're marrying for a family.
Not just for the inlaws but for your future children.
Who do you want to help you raise them?
Who do you want to influence them?
Marriage isn't for you.
Marriage isn't about you.
Marriage is about the person you married.

Truly, love and marriage isn't for you. Its for others.

-Excerpt from a blog on
http://sethadamsmith.com/

Writing has always been my outlet...

Writing has always been a great outlet for me, I could write for hours. Just wanted to share this piece that I wrote this back in 2011…definitely had a lot of my mind and in a season of learning to love myself for who I am, not who someone wanted me to be and needing that from the next man to enter my life.

You will either love me or you will leave me…fully attached…all parts included
You will not change me…for I am not a design made by you but for you
I am an original…a masterpiece
You will not reshape me
I will not decrease to make you increase
You will not bully me or belittle me so that you can feel complete
No…we are equals I am a gift to you…you will not take me apart to repackage me
You will love me…as I am…strong and beautiful
You will not strip me of me so that you can call me “your beauty”
I am not to be confused for a toy…no you will not play with me
I am not meant to be you so you will embrace me
You will learn from me or you will leave me
But regardless I will not change
I am an original…designed by a hand that no other can match
I have been perfected since before birth and I won’t lose my spark
You will not change me…you will either love me or leave me but you will not have your way
Not in this way…not if your way is to transform God’s original to your carbon copy
You will not change me
You will either love me or leave me as I am…a priceless original…perfect in all ways…who simply wasn’t made for you

Natural Hair Journey

I had the wonderful opportunity to join my sister at Curls Gone Wild this past weekend. Curls Gone Wild was a natural hair event held in Boston that was full of hair care products for sale, do it yourself demonstrations, a hair show and a stylist even performed a "big chop" on stage, shout out to my sister! The room was full of beautiful women with natural hair and why not have my first blog be my own natural hair journey!

My hair and I have a very interesting story...

I grew up a natural and got my first perm at 16...freshman year of high school. I had a choice, get a perm or get locks. I had ALWAYS wanted locs but I chose a perm. I had always wanted straight long hair and starting my journey as a 9th grader I wanted to "fit" in, my hair was having a hard time retaining length and staying healthy as a natural so I gave perm a try. So I started my journey as a "permed beauty". With a perm, my hair flourished. It grew and looked healthy. It was finally what I called long...this coming from a girl who never had hair on her shoulders, a girl who had issues with thin and fragile hair. But it was pretty and would get done weekly by one of my older sisters. That lasted a few years until she no longer could do it; getting my hair done became a hassle and I would have to beg to get it done. Looking back now, I totally understand how much I was asking of her but didn't really see it then.

In 2007 I started to transition back to natural hair. My hair started to fall out and the process of perming my hair was not helping the situation. After consulting specialists and being very gentle with my hair, it stopped falling out but instead of going back to the perm, I continued my journey to natural hair. I transitioned via protective styles like braids, kinky twists, tried to stay away from excessive heat, and made sure my hair was always moisturized. I tried to transition for as long as I could, BUT ultimately I did give in and did my big chop in 2008. Being natural and having to do my own hair was not something I was ready for but thankfully God allowed me to stumble upon longhaircareforum.com and YouTube, both of which helped me so much! I learned about products, became a "product junkie", and ultimately decided to start my locs on December 19, 2008. I was locked for 3 years and 5 months.

I loved my locs, loved the changes, loved everything about the independence of doing my own hair. I learned to love myself and to love me regardless of how people felt about what was on my head. I learned the "carefreeness" of my hair, that I could wake up, wash my hair and go. I loved that I didn't have to do the run to the car in the rain, as a permed beauty I knew that run too well. I didn't miss being burned by perm, not being able to scratch, having to wait for someone else to do my hair, didn't miss any of that! After almost 3 1/2 years with my locks I wanted to change. I cut my locs in May of 2012 and I have kept it pretty short ever since. I don't know how long I'll keep it short but I'm loving this journey!

 

Happy Hair Journey!